i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
