And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize