Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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