I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
