The best revenge is premature balding
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
