oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
