I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
