So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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