I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
