I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize