Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
