apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
