I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
