New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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