I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
