I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
