New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
