There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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