thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
