Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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