Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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