when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
