he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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