i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize