so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
