Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
