If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
