i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
