It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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