she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
