I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
