hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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