i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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