Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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