I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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