Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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