everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
