Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
