all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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