i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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