I just made out with a guy for $7.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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