So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
