i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
