Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My dick has a subreddit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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