Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
