i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
