Yo dont text me then not text me
I can text with my tongue
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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