toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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