no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got chris browned last night
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Less talking, more tequila
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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