its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
