glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
