my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
