She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
