OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
