dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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