i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
