K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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