so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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