could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize