I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
