peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
