there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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