How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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