i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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