it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
