i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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