Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
