She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
