I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
