I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
