I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Drake has all the answers
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
