susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
