we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
