you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
