i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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