HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
