i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
