Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
