In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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