I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
