He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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