Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize