the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
