My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
