A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
