i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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