Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Alive.
So much puke
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
