when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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