I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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