I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
