We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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