never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I came so hard my ears popped.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
