im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
