It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize