Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize