I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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