I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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