I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
