i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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