He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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