sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
