did you get engaged???
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
